I made it a personal goal to write a blog post at the end of each year, but this year, I find myself reaching for thoughts that doggedly elude my grasp. I feel I don’t have to explain why. 2020 was a tremendously difficult year for many of us; devastating, even. I don’t wish to dwell on the tumultuous emotional landscape of my past year. Journalists have written enough words about it on behalf of all of us, a thousand times over.
With that in mind, I simply want to highlight… well, the highlights of the year. The wonderful things that happened despite all the hardship and grief. The reminders that joy comes hand-in-hand with despair.
- Dan and I got married. We did not have the beautiful wedding that we spent over a year planning. I did not get to wear my wedding dress or walk down a long aisle or have a dance party with my friends. My heart still grieves at the loss of that dream, but not as much as before, knowing it will still come to pass. And knowing that despite everything, Dan and I still married each other. Our lives are moving forward. We are no longer stuck in a limbo of uncertainty.
- I got to know a couple of wonderful people at SIXMOREVODKA and other fans of Degenesis: Rebirth. In the first half of the year, I really immersed myself in the tabletop RPG and its community. I produced videos and a podcast, befriended some fine individuals, and continue to chat with them even now. I may be taking a break from Degenesis right now, but I cherish the memories and friendships I forged earlier in the year, and I do hope to get back into the deep end in the new year.
- I started seeing a therapist regularly. I kicked off the year with my first visit to a therapist, which ended up being a massive boon. Not only did she help me during the first months of the year as wedding planning stress came to a crescendo, but she was able to help buoy me as we collectively struggled with the COVID-19 pandemic and its traumatic consequences. I am forever grateful to my therapist for her aid and will continue to see her on a monthly basis in the new year.
- I started powerlifting. My motivation to train seriously stems from the need to value my body for something other than its weight, and I have had wonderful results. Not only am I stronger, sleeping better, and less concerned about what I eat, but I managed to get Dan into powerlifting, too. We’re both improving our overall physical health and it is paying off.
- My religious practice has gone in a new and exciting direction. Specifically, I am now contributing to the reconstruction of a tradition of Gothic Heathenry called Sidjus Reidarje Sauilis (“Customs of the Riders of the Sun”). Ever since I started research for it, my everyday religious practice has developed a depth and richness I did not find with Norse Heathenry, Anglo-Saxon Heathenry, or Kemetism. And this is only just the beginning. I hope to write more about it in the future.
- I met my goal of reading 12 books. In fact, I read 30 books. Most of them were comic books, but at least one was a 600-page history textbook that took me most of the year to finish. One thing I did confirm is that I am less likely to read books at home than I am while working in the office, because I will read there during my lunch break. I hope to remedy that next year, for I will set the same goal of 12 books for next year, and I really would like to read more novels.
There are probably more highlights if I think hard enough, but I grow weary. Seasonal Affective Disorder is wringing me between its fingers, and everyday tasks take up all of my energy. I thank you for your faithful readership, and for your patience while blog posts were few and far between. Let us enter the new year with hope in our hearts.